Hey, we played a little frisbee… (TiV 2010, Part 1)

Woke up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. I grabbed my glasses and went out the door—about to hit the city. Before I left, I brushed my teeth with a bottle of Jack. Because, when we left for the night, we weren’t coming back.

Just as Ke$ha’s smash single Tik Tok was topping out on the Billboard Hot 40, JUNK headed to Las Vegas for what promised to be a thrilling weekend of spirited competition and drinking. All the coolest members of the team came out on Wednesday evening and enjoyed a day of roaming the strip, being under/overcharged at Denny’s, and chilling with some sweet track and field guys at a local high school. We were all surprised to hear that 5 had actually come through with our jerseys, and, staying true to their new motto (“sucking less”) for the moment, cultimate had not messed up our schedules..

At tournament registration that evening, we picked up the jerseys and they looked so fucking sick. Everyone, except Baby Craig, was psyched to be sporting such hot new designs, thanks to my main man, Mr. Reschechtko. According to Baby, however, they sucked. Man, I fucking hate that guy.

Now that the bungalow bitches had arrived, our team was 22 strong, and feeling like our nuts could explode at any moment. We were ready to get out on the field and run a fucking BOOYAH train on Lewis and Clark the next morning.

Rolled out to the fields the next morning rocking our sweet ass jerseys and started to warm up. J-Mo(ney), however, had taken his bedraggled band of bungalow buttfuckers for a couple extra spins around the block and ended up lost at the intersection of Smutko’s asshole and Baby Craig’s vagina. Luckily, they made it to the field on time, and our team proceeded to give Lewis and Clark the game. I threw a high release backhand for a score at one point, but besides that, there weren’t all that many highlights. Baby played… maybe two points. Our team decided that we would need to do better or something. Next on the agenda was UC-Irvine, another school about which we knew very little. JUNK played a much better game, although I don’t really remember all that much of it, and lost it on double game point. A heartbreaker for sure. Craig was warming up and probably played… three or four points. Then, thanks to some creative scheduling by cultimate, we had a three and a half hour bye, and, after debating going off to catch a matinee showing of Avatar, we headed out to eat some grubs (read: Taco Bell). We came back to the fields to watch Sam Kanner and Carleton almost get tooled on by Oregon, but hold on to win on Universe. We then began to mentally prepare for our game against Brown.

Although the score would indicate otherwise, our game against Brown probably contained some of the best Ultimate that we played during the weekend. The wind had picked up, and so we all went into the game knowing that it would play a large factor. During the first half, we played Brown really close, each team getting one break on the way to a tie at 5s. Our O-line was patient and aggressive, and our D-line was able to force some turns, although they were only able to convert one of the breaks. However, after that, everything went to shit and Brown won the game 13-5. An exciting start to an otherwise disappointing game. We showed that we could play with those chumps, but proceeded to screw the pooch big time.

Dinner for that night included many high(low)lights, for both meat eaters and vegetarians alike including:
-Hupps going on a Five-money power trip and challenging Ball Sachs to shove an animal style fry up his nose
-Old Craig riding Daisy Dynasty around the In-and-Out burger in preparation for the way he would ride him later that evening
-A joust between Shame and Evil Craig
-The woman at the Thai restaurant attempting to explain to J-Mo that the difference between Red and Green Curry is the one is red and one is green
-Terra being relatively civil… for a bit
-J-Mo offering to provide Ali with children
-Smutko’s fortune: Enjoy yourself while you still can.

After dinner, we had a few beers, and all hit the sack, dreaming dreams of our first win of the 2010 season. It looked like that win would not be long in coming, as, at the sound of the horn to start the first round on Saturday, our opponents were nowhere to be found. Craig was super pumped to rip his shirt off and get a sweet UCCMTT line out on the field. (Un)fortunately, the Montana Rum-drunkards or Bum-fuckers or something showed up, and we prepared for our game. Mr. Dexter told the Chalupa story again… something about getting gassy after eating a lot of Taco Bell; I might have missed the point. Tooled on some bitches for a while and took half 7-2, but then we all got distracted by Pretty Craig’s flowing locks and couldn’t stop watching the side line and let those drunk fucks bring it back to 9s. At some point during here, Binder talked back at something Shane said and so, in frustration, Shane slammed his shin through Binder’s nose and broke it. Binder took it like a champ though, and Shane got his due in the end (see pt. 3). Shane finally rolled himself to a boner at some point and got a nasty lay out D, but the bleeding didn’t really stop until BANKerson and N. Chupps called a time out and told us to stop fucking the dog. We sheepishly stopped and went on to win the game, the final score being caught by none other than BallSachs, who proceeded to spike the game-winning disc for his first college ultimate win. Congratulations were in order for Sachs, CJ, and Marchi who finally tasted the bittersweet acid-reflux of victory.

TiV 2010, raining slightly less, but cancelling a whole lot more.

To be cont’d.