Hoo de Hoo!
Fall Out '08 saw the G.O.P. Barack-O-Rama collapsed into an amorphous "Junk-Y" team, captained by Mrs. Bank and Rybones. Hop skip and a jump from the 5:20-6:00am departure from Chicago and we found ourselves early in Shampoo-Banana with Junk scattered across the archipelago of field-sites in Rantoul, Butthole of The Midwest. Our first three games were against SIU, LCC, and yet-to-be-acronymned Bradley College and all blended into a relative blur of UChicago preeminence in the air, endzone and relative focus.
Our crossgender game brought us over to the main fieldsy less (woo! tournament tent!) where we matched up against the Illinois split-squad team, "Z," in an environment slightly less protected from the waxing wind. Vet-dominated lines assisted by the zeal and height of Alex Freak-A-Zorn on the Cob, Red Sasha, and Willy Drop-Some-Goo. Our zone defense was spot-on, frustrating the Illinois Handlers and giving deep-deeps like Wallace, Noah, and MMMPHupps time to...wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...jump way hi and d the snot out of some swill.
The day ended with ordering some XL-p's from doms, passing out, and celebrating our 4-0 day at Brothers, a campus bar with lots of free beer, babes, and Broseph Stalin and and Samurai Huppz cornholing against/with each other and all-around doing lots of other embarassing things.
DAY II
You know what happens when you wake up early for a tournament? You get a first-round bye. Taste the flavors, Jiggity Junk. Some extra "stare at the wall time" and a couple more rounds of find-the-butthole gave the bicameral collapsation of Junk some extra time to focus on the fundamentals that would be necessary in performing well in Day II: Huck n' Z. Game one was against University of Illinois-Y, a jolly gaggle of chaps who learned early the battlefield on which this day would be played: throwing it real far and trying to get the other team to turn it over on their endzone line. Bulletproof. Junk leadership mistakenly instructed handlers to try and work it a little more, leading to our eventual slight demise.
Next game was against Wheaton. Hilights of this game were Dinger Dan rocking-out in some "get it off the sideline so Noah can throw it real far," and I think Noah threw a callahan. Fair and square. In the end, we rolled 'em.
Same with our halvsies game against IHUC-Black. The final point was a comedy of blunders with Red Sasha catching an into the wind triple-helix hammer, passed it to Ari who threw his first-ever inside-out forehand to Huppz for the score. Mouthwatering.
All in all, 6-1 for the weekend, 5th place at the tournament.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Pt. II
So after a night of partying by myself in the hotel hallway, I wake up at 7 am ready to rock some sidelines. A few games of 'find the butthole' later we were all in the car heading to the fields. After not passing any McCHRONIC I decide to drop the sweeties off at the fields and drive around looking for a grocery store. I find this sweet mom 'n pop's Walmart and grab some food and drank for the troops as I stuff a sausage biskit in my face. so delicious. I sound the battle horn and Sinbad sallys forth to the fields.
I get to the games to find that GOP has already won and Rama is still at the tournament. Rama was playing the other GOP in a close match of wits and chest hair. Broah drops the brohammer on two bros in one point getting the d's and sending some chumps to join in the injury revolution. Well all the broing in the world didn't help Rama as they lost in a most uncool fashion. Oh well. In John Kerry-esque fashion the teams flip flopped opponents giving rise the GOP v. GOP matchup no one was talking about.
After Rama's loosening the pickle jar, GOP walked over gop to the tune of 13-11. The game was often a battle of yards as the wind began to pick up across the Wisconsin wilderness. Frank mZonars channeled the demonic powers of the double GOP to crush the earth with powerful disc spikes. Man that guy has a good swagger. The team fought through fatigue with hard running and hard ons. BONER! HI FIVE!
As GOP pressed on they entered the mystical forest. There they came upon Hegolef, a most unholy dragon. After rolling a measly 4 the team was forced to run away. They met BANK's band of bearstronauts who decided to join the fellowship. Now with this alliance the team took on Iowa State. This horrible game was made bearable by Smutko getting a footblock and calling the dude a bitch. Yea fucking awesome. Then when Hupps d'd some dude who calls foul, Smutko responds with 'dude you're short. you got d'd.' This bulletproof reasoning didn't dissuade the chump but won the hearts of 'merica. With a 7-13 loss the team decides to blame Craig, but when we went to sacrifice him he was replaced with a ram. Fickle God.
Oh and Rama maybe beat the Pimpdagz. Who knows??
McMuffin Out.
I get to the games to find that GOP has already won and Rama is still at the tournament. Rama was playing the other GOP in a close match of wits and chest hair. Broah drops the brohammer on two bros in one point getting the d's and sending some chumps to join in the injury revolution. Well all the broing in the world didn't help Rama as they lost in a most uncool fashion. Oh well. In John Kerry-esque fashion the teams flip flopped opponents giving rise the GOP v. GOP matchup no one was talking about.
After Rama's loosening the pickle jar, GOP walked over gop to the tune of 13-11. The game was often a battle of yards as the wind began to pick up across the Wisconsin wilderness. Frank mZonars channeled the demonic powers of the double GOP to crush the earth with powerful disc spikes. Man that guy has a good swagger. The team fought through fatigue with hard running and hard ons. BONER! HI FIVE!
As GOP pressed on they entered the mystical forest. There they came upon Hegolef, a most unholy dragon. After rolling a measly 4 the team was forced to run away. They met BANK's band of bearstronauts who decided to join the fellowship. Now with this alliance the team took on Iowa State. This horrible game was made bearable by Smutko getting a footblock and calling the dude a bitch. Yea fucking awesome. Then when Hupps d'd some dude who calls foul, Smutko responds with 'dude you're short. you got d'd.' This bulletproof reasoning didn't dissuade the chump but won the hearts of 'merica. With a 7-13 loss the team decides to blame Craig, but when we went to sacrifice him he was replaced with a ram. Fickle God.
Oh and Rama maybe beat the Pimpdagz. Who knows??
McMuffin Out.
BIG BANG WISCONSEQUENCES
Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talking real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again
-Taylor Swift
So bingo bango Junk rolled X/Y to No Wisconsequences looking to compete in some epic games of 'which nut'. After spending the Friday night at an all night dance party in my room, alone, drunk, alone I loaded up Sinbad, picked up some n3wbs and started the trip. Get to the fields by about 7:45 only to find that the rest of the team is made up of truant retards. So once everyone else gets to the field we do a headcount and find out Red Sasha isn't there. Well fuck. Turns out Sasha was trying to break 12 parsecs on the Kessel Run and ended up doing eight donuts on the interstate. Having interrupted my party I hop back into Sinbad and pull a hundo on my way back to get those chumpers. Apparently GOP lost but played a good first game and Barack-O-Rama probably lost. Who cares?
Second round saw GOP play against Western Michigan. A bunch of big dudes but not really the most inspired play. Well shit GOP played pretty hard and was down by one at the half. After a rousing half time speech ala 'Independence Day' GOP rallied to a loss. nuts. Rama probably lost. Does anyone care?
Next round was GOP battling Milwaukee School of 'Just Happy to Be Here'. Just like what happened to the dinosaurs, GOP raped those dudes. Roundly routing them with a score of 13-5. But hey those guys were just happy to be there. Game highlights include pretty Sasha needing to take a minute before he could stand up after seeing that there were girls on the other team, Ryland swearing to cut Barack's nuts off, and Shane taking thirty viagras before playing a point with a huge rager. BONERFEST!!! Um maybe Rama was still playing. Not sure.
So if that wasn't enough turns out GOP had another game. This game would see the children of the moon playing against Dayton. After 15 minutes of making jokes using the whole dayton 'dating' pun we took the field. This game dragged on as fatigue and drunkeness started to hit the sideline. Well GOP simply turned the disc over too many times and didn't get enough d's to make up for it. Not too many times you're going to win when that happens. So with a final of 10-13 GOP packed its bags and went to go to the hotel. Rama Lama Ding Dong.
But wait why not have a fifth round. Huzzah Cultimate. Tired, confused, and without underwear we found our competitors and started the final round of the day. Grinnell which features notable alum Josh "Up Top" Brody served as the canvas for GOP's fingerpaint masterpiece. The usual bipolar shennanigans of GOP gave way to a level headed, relaxed hydrobeast that soared through the sky to a 13-6 win. Rama won by default as their opponent never showed up. Congrats guys.
The team rolled over to watch snoopysnatch battle against Illinois. In an all too familiar fashion the ladiez lost in the hard cap. But hey at least the guys were there to be assholes. Wipe it on that!
Thus ended the journey on the fields for the day. More to come later.
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talking real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again
-Taylor Swift
So bingo bango Junk rolled X/Y to No Wisconsequences looking to compete in some epic games of 'which nut'. After spending the Friday night at an all night dance party in my room, alone, drunk, alone I loaded up Sinbad, picked up some n3wbs and started the trip. Get to the fields by about 7:45 only to find that the rest of the team is made up of truant retards. So once everyone else gets to the field we do a headcount and find out Red Sasha isn't there. Well fuck. Turns out Sasha was trying to break 12 parsecs on the Kessel Run and ended up doing eight donuts on the interstate. Having interrupted my party I hop back into Sinbad and pull a hundo on my way back to get those chumpers. Apparently GOP lost but played a good first game and Barack-O-Rama probably lost. Who cares?
Second round saw GOP play against Western Michigan. A bunch of big dudes but not really the most inspired play. Well shit GOP played pretty hard and was down by one at the half. After a rousing half time speech ala 'Independence Day' GOP rallied to a loss. nuts. Rama probably lost. Does anyone care?
Next round was GOP battling Milwaukee School of 'Just Happy to Be Here'. Just like what happened to the dinosaurs, GOP raped those dudes. Roundly routing them with a score of 13-5. But hey those guys were just happy to be there. Game highlights include pretty Sasha needing to take a minute before he could stand up after seeing that there were girls on the other team, Ryland swearing to cut Barack's nuts off, and Shane taking thirty viagras before playing a point with a huge rager. BONERFEST!!! Um maybe Rama was still playing. Not sure.
So if that wasn't enough turns out GOP had another game. This game would see the children of the moon playing against Dayton. After 15 minutes of making jokes using the whole dayton 'dating' pun we took the field. This game dragged on as fatigue and drunkeness started to hit the sideline. Well GOP simply turned the disc over too many times and didn't get enough d's to make up for it. Not too many times you're going to win when that happens. So with a final of 10-13 GOP packed its bags and went to go to the hotel. Rama Lama Ding Dong.
But wait why not have a fifth round. Huzzah Cultimate. Tired, confused, and without underwear we found our competitors and started the final round of the day. Grinnell which features notable alum Josh "Up Top" Brody served as the canvas for GOP's fingerpaint masterpiece. The usual bipolar shennanigans of GOP gave way to a level headed, relaxed hydrobeast that soared through the sky to a 13-6 win. Rama won by default as their opponent never showed up. Congrats guys.
The team rolled over to watch snoopysnatch battle against Illinois. In an all too familiar fashion the ladiez lost in the hard cap. But hey at least the guys were there to be assholes. Wipe it on that!
Thus ended the journey on the fields for the day. More to come later.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Bip Bop Bump
And behold! He cometh with ten thousands of His holy ones To execute judgement upon all, And to destroy all the ungodly: And to convict all flesh Of all the works of their ungodliness which they have ungodly committed, And of all the hard things which ungodly sinners have spoken against Him.
-Enoch 1:9
Fearing the damage a unified front might bring about the University of Chicago men's team has split into two squads for the beginning of the Fall. Each squad is headed by an usurper captain (BANK and ryboxorghhh) and stocked with god's soldiers. So while both wookies and fetts wax up the field, it has become my duty to act as holy scribe.
This weekend the Golden Army will march north to the barren lands of Wisconsin for the first annual 'No Wisconsequences' hosted by cultimate and the Hoedags. The tournament is set to display some of the nation's top talent in teams from Madison, Carleton, and Colorado. While the splitting of the men's team has contained its eschatalogical potential, both teams will still bring some fire.
Barack-O-Rama
Headed by the fearless (read clueless) BANK CalderBANK, the team brings some wily vets and a cast of brooding youngbloodz looking to gain honor and fortune. Coming off a successful club season, Rawri Weitzman and Broah Goose look to keep up their winning ways. My guess is that lots of D's come from this pair as well as a bunch of deep honey passes. Zonars, Shane, and Dinner Dan bring style and nutz to the floor. Meat Alumni Huge, Big Mike, Ratchet, and Sasha look to show off the knowledge obtained from Old Schaef Kenobi. Finally fighting for the final teat are freshmen Meru(iner of Worlds), Mr. President Jefferson Davis, Alex Zorn on the Cob, and Michael 'la petit' Florian.
G.O.P
So apparently there is another GOP going to this tournament. Small world huh? THE CHICAGO GOP is being guided by the pederast Rycoohhhnnn. The team contains future doctor Spank who spent the summer playing with Lush (and himself). Craig, Smutko, and Jordan look to combine their powers to bring about exCaptain Fangboner. Sadly they will probably just get drunk and puke in the sink. Classic. Sasha the Younger is serious...seriously going to eat discs and spit hot fire. Jake Rasala, Charles, and Tall Nate come off of a year learning to drink, win friends and influence people under the tutelage of Bowdoin Dan and (my dick bends like a) Rainbow. Almost new to the streets Eric 'nicest guy in the world' Mayer comes prepared to play some frisbee with his dog and smile. Chris Allen leaves the confines of his sailboat (that's right I facebook...hard) to come find the solution to his landlocked blues on the ultimate field. Lastly and certainly least flirt years Seth son of Adam and father of Enosh, and Jake 'prison has made me a' Newman look to prove to be of some value besides their williness to drink anything.
Exiled Captains
Jesse 'Radio' Marshall and myself, Matthew 'McMuffin' Sibert, will be around helping in small ways that make us still feel like a part of the team. However, this will most likely just be snide comments we make cause we're petty and lack a desire to continue living.
Future Posts
Look for posts on getting pumped up, throwing discussions, ultimate strategy, and how high I can count (current personal record at 132).
McMuffin Out.
-Enoch 1:9
Fearing the damage a unified front might bring about the University of Chicago men's team has split into two squads for the beginning of the Fall. Each squad is headed by an usurper captain (BANK and ryboxorghhh) and stocked with god's soldiers. So while both wookies and fetts wax up the field, it has become my duty to act as holy scribe.
This weekend the Golden Army will march north to the barren lands of Wisconsin for the first annual 'No Wisconsequences' hosted by cultimate and the Hoedags. The tournament is set to display some of the nation's top talent in teams from Madison, Carleton, and Colorado. While the splitting of the men's team has contained its eschatalogical potential, both teams will still bring some fire.
Barack-O-Rama
Headed by the fearless (read clueless) BANK CalderBANK, the team brings some wily vets and a cast of brooding youngbloodz looking to gain honor and fortune. Coming off a successful club season, Rawri Weitzman and Broah Goose look to keep up their winning ways. My guess is that lots of D's come from this pair as well as a bunch of deep honey passes. Zonars, Shane, and Dinner Dan bring style and nutz to the floor. Meat Alumni Huge, Big Mike, Ratchet, and Sasha look to show off the knowledge obtained from Old Schaef Kenobi. Finally fighting for the final teat are freshmen Meru(iner of Worlds), Mr. President Jefferson Davis, Alex Zorn on the Cob, and Michael 'la petit' Florian.
G.O.P
So apparently there is another GOP going to this tournament. Small world huh? THE CHICAGO GOP is being guided by the pederast Rycoohhhnnn. The team contains future doctor Spank who spent the summer playing with Lush (and himself). Craig, Smutko, and Jordan look to combine their powers to bring about exCaptain Fangboner. Sadly they will probably just get drunk and puke in the sink. Classic. Sasha the Younger is serious...seriously going to eat discs and spit hot fire. Jake Rasala, Charles, and Tall Nate come off of a year learning to drink, win friends and influence people under the tutelage of Bowdoin Dan and (my dick bends like a) Rainbow. Almost new to the streets Eric 'nicest guy in the world' Mayer comes prepared to play some frisbee with his dog and smile. Chris Allen leaves the confines of his sailboat (that's right I facebook...hard) to come find the solution to his landlocked blues on the ultimate field. Lastly and certainly least flirt years Seth son of Adam and father of Enosh, and Jake 'prison has made me a' Newman look to prove to be of some value besides their williness to drink anything.
Exiled Captains
Jesse 'Radio' Marshall and myself, Matthew 'McMuffin' Sibert, will be around helping in small ways that make us still feel like a part of the team. However, this will most likely just be snide comments we make cause we're petty and lack a desire to continue living.
Future Posts
Look for posts on getting pumped up, throwing discussions, ultimate strategy, and how high I can count (current personal record at 132).
McMuffin Out.
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