Bip Bop Bump

And behold! He cometh with ten thousands of His holy ones To execute judgement upon all, And to destroy all the ungodly: And to convict all flesh Of all the works of their ungodliness which they have ungodly committed, And of all the hard things which ungodly sinners have spoken against Him.

-Enoch 1:9

Fearing the damage a unified front might bring about the University of Chicago men's team has split into two squads for the beginning of the Fall. Each squad is headed by an usurper captain (BANK and ryboxorghhh) and stocked with god's soldiers. So while both wookies and fetts wax up the field, it has become my duty to act as holy scribe.

This weekend the Golden Army will march north to the barren lands of Wisconsin for the first annual 'No Wisconsequences' hosted by cultimate and the Hoedags. The tournament is set to display some of the nation's top talent in teams from Madison, Carleton, and Colorado. While the splitting of the men's team has contained its eschatalogical potential, both teams will still bring some fire.

Barack-O-Rama

Headed by the fearless (read clueless) BANK CalderBANK, the team brings some wily vets and a cast of brooding youngbloodz looking to gain honor and fortune. Coming off a successful club season, Rawri Weitzman and Broah Goose look to keep up their winning ways. My guess is that lots of D's come from this pair as well as a bunch of deep honey passes. Zonars, Shane, and Dinner Dan bring style and nutz to the floor. Meat Alumni Huge, Big Mike, Ratchet, and Sasha look to show off the knowledge obtained from Old Schaef Kenobi. Finally fighting for the final teat are freshmen Meru(iner of Worlds), Mr. President Jefferson Davis, Alex Zorn on the Cob, and Michael 'la petit' Florian.

G.O.P

So apparently there is another GOP going to this tournament. Small world huh? THE CHICAGO GOP is being guided by the pederast Rycoohhhnnn. The team contains future doctor Spank who spent the summer playing with Lush (and himself). Craig, Smutko, and Jordan look to combine their powers to bring about exCaptain Fangboner. Sadly they will probably just get drunk and puke in the sink. Classic. Sasha the Younger is serious...seriously going to eat discs and spit hot fire. Jake Rasala, Charles, and Tall Nate come off of a year learning to drink, win friends and influence people under the tutelage of Bowdoin Dan and (my dick bends like a) Rainbow. Almost new to the streets Eric 'nicest guy in the world' Mayer comes prepared to play some frisbee with his dog and smile. Chris Allen leaves the confines of his sailboat (that's right I facebook...hard) to come find the solution to his landlocked blues on the ultimate field. Lastly and certainly least flirt years Seth son of Adam and father of Enosh, and Jake 'prison has made me a' Newman look to prove to be of some value besides their williness to drink anything.

Exiled Captains
Jesse 'Radio' Marshall and myself, Matthew 'McMuffin' Sibert, will be around helping in small ways that make us still feel like a part of the team. However, this will most likely just be snide comments we make cause we're petty and lack a desire to continue living.

Future Posts
Look for posts on getting pumped up, throwing discussions, ultimate strategy, and how high I can count (current personal record at 132).

McMuffin Out.